Tuesday, July 17, 2007
there are so many things right now in my mind. im thinking.. im starting to hate poly life.. something i yearned for since i was sec 2.. im starting to hate it..
why? cant i just be sociable with teachers? whats wrong with being friendly? wad just because theyre teachers i cant be friends with them? dun bull with me can? u say i get good grades because the teachers like me. the thing that hurt me most was they way u said it. u said it as if u were saying "wow the sky is blue today". so casual. walao. do u know how hurting it is to work so hard for something, achieve that something u want, and then someone just comes along and tells u "whoa u got good grades again, teacher likes u alot"? i worked hard for what im getting, im not sucking up to teachers to get my grades. i dunno if thats what ur planning to let people know. but thats the vibe im getting when i hear something like that. why, i slacker last time now i cannot get an A is it? i slacker last time so maybe that gave u an excuse to say "oh he slacker, so he get bad results". but that doesnt give u an excuse to say i get good grades because the teachers like me; i fucking worked hard for what im getting.
if what u say is bloody true, then that should mean im being friendly with everyone around me because i need them for personal gain. so that would also mean im being friendly with popular people because i wanna be popular. that would also mean im being friendly with someone smart because i wanna get good grades also. but no wad? anyone who bloody knows me well enough will know that now, as long as i can do it, i will do it myself. i dun need to be friends with someone to get something i want because i got confidence i can do it. im friends with people because i wanna be their friend, they wanna be my friend and because its fun.
i dunno what got into you. i dunno why u said this. seriously right, im really hurt when u said that. and the way u said it got me a second stab. i din show that it hurt. i din wanna spoil tonight. tonight was fun. until u said that. i got stunned u know. i hate the way u do stuff sometimes. and this is one of those. seriously. i still consider u as a friend. and this came out of ur mouth. i cant believe u.
siala. i need to say sorry to my blog. all my entries these past few days all ranting one. all angsty. sorry blog. next time i blog about happy stuff. if i get to experience some. but i got so many problems now.
u. i still dunno what to do when i see u. i start to feel weak once i see u. as much as i like u, no serious i like u a lot, i dun like feeling weak. i dunno what to do.
so much homework. i cant even go gym. yes i know my time management is bad, and thats what im starting to change today. but still... so much homework.
friends start to change one by one. either that or they show their true colours. damn irritating when u suddenly get to know that someone isnt really that nice.
money. i need money like mad now. im broke like hell. i wanna go shopping. i wanna relieve stress by shopping. headphones, amplifiers, speakers, receivers, mbox, mixer, turntable, imac, shit i wanna buy a lot of stuff.
the only good things that are happening to me in poly are having friends to lean on. i wun mention names here. u know who u all are. thanx sia. without u all i think i'll be crumbling now. seriously. thanx a lot.
i'm gonna get a new phone this sat. im so looking forward to it. finally. stress relief.
12:54 AM
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