Wednesday, July 04, 2007
ok. first of all, im sorry. i thought u knew.
its like a bad dream sia. like.. u thought everyone knew something that u thought they knew, for like the longest time, and then u suddenly like wake up and realize "hey.. no one knows me.."
and then its like.. u think to urself.. suddenly everyone's like so far away from u.. its like.. yeah i feel like that now..
since u dunno, let me tell u like some details about myself.
i dunno how many bloody millions of times ive said this to like everyone, but im gonna say it again. I SUAN BECAUSE I FRIEND U. I DUN SUAN U BECAUSE I HATE U EXCEPT FOR ONE PERSON WE ALL KNOW WHO. i dunno why, i dunno how, so dun ask me. different people got different ways of showing affection. for me, suaning is one of them. i suan u because i consider u as a good friend, someone close to me. i consider u like someone whos gonna go through thick and thin with me. i dunno if u can see that but i dun suan anyone i dun really consider a friend. so like, if ever i offended u like in my suaning, yeah well, i apologize alright?
2ndly, im an "emotions" guy. not emo guy, but "emotions" guy. i go more for "feel". when i listen to songs, i dont really listen to the lyrics, but more of how the song is delivered. is there enough emotion in it to make me feel what the words mean? i do not plan at all but i go by, yes, i hope u said it in ur mind, gut feeling. when i feel like this idea is gonna get me the result i want, i just go with that idea. simple as that. so whats the point of me saying this? the point is, i say stuff differently than others. when people say "sorry", they mean sorry. when i say "sorry", i can mean a lot of things. i can mean "sorry ur an asshole", or maybe my sorry means "im kidding only", and the most rarely used is "sorry i wont do it again". its in the way i say it, not what i say.
then, i'd like to listen to my friends problems and help them about it if they'd ask me to, but i dun really like the idea of me telling friends about my probs. i dunno why dun ask me. maybe something inside me just tells me i can do this on my own. so im not giving up yet. unless its something trivial that makes me lazy to think about it, i dun tell my probs to other pple.
i'm also the kind of guy who cannot really hide how i feel. as i said, im a "feel" guy. i am one and im proud of being one. and thats partly the reason why i cannot hide how i feel, unless its the emotion called "like", which falls under "sad". oh thats another thing about me. i only have 3 categories of emotions. happy, sad, angry.
and i believe a person shouldnt let his inner child die. sounds wrong right im like making the person which is a he sound pregnant. thats not the point. i believe each and everyone of us has a child within, psychologically. now, if u let that child die, ur goner. i believe it takes away the living soul out of u. and i believe once that child is gone, u'll be a damn boring person. serious forever, joke also cannot, must always follow manual, follow rules, everything also must be followed... well u get what i mean.
lastly, i might joke around and all, i might horse around and be childish all the time. but at the end of the day, i still fall under the category of living things called "humans", so i still have a serious side in me. when i get serious sometimes, pple stlll think im joking. thats the point of time when i feel like burying a punch in the person's face. ok point is, i hate it when people around me think that "eh thats cedric he wun get angry one la he always kidding one how to get angry". i hate those kind of pple. they should like be shot by a firing squad with plastic bullets. yeah well im not that mean, dun die, torture only.
so anyway yeah.
well, thanx for waking me up. ok i know it sounds sarcastic, but yeah, im not ok.. just.. thanx..
im gonna like make me a goal now. sounds stupid but whatever. im gonna find people whom i can relate to.. those that i can call "my people", those that can understand me like.. yeah i dun wanna have misunderstandings like this anymore. so yeah.. till i find "my people", bye phatman. hello Cedric.
7:44 PM
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